


Trigger Happy

by clgfanfic



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-09
Updated: 2012-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-18 06:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tag for the episode "Bane."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trigger Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Compadres #22 under the pen name Dana Edwards.

He knew the whole mission was a mistake, FUBAR from the start.  But he'd let himself be talked into participating…  Why?

He wasn't a stupid man, despite how he often felt working with super brains like Carter and – he really hated to admit this – Daniel.  He was a military man.  He was a damned good military man.  He'd fought in wars for chrissake!  He'd traveled to other planets!  He'd kicked some righteous alien butt!  He'd—

Oh, who was he kidding?  He should have trusted his gut.  He knew he should have trusted his gut, but did he?

No.

Hell no!

Like an idiot he'd allowed himself to be talked into a situation his gut told him – loud and clear – was too damned dangerous to even contemplate, let alone undertake.  Not without plenty of backup anyway.  Good _military_ backup.  A squad of Navy SEALs would have done the trick…

And now?

Well, now he was paying the price.  And it served him right.  Yes, he was getting _exactly_ what he deserved.

But by God, they were gonna pay for it, and pay dearly.  Oh yes.  Yes, siree, he'd see to that.  If it was the last thing he did on this earth, he would have his revenge.  And he would enjoy it.  Savor it.  If he didn't get himself killed before he could come up with an adequate plan.

"All right already!  Enough!  Enough!" he hollered, his weapon dangling loosely in his hands.

But the assault didn't stop.  In fact, if anything, it grew worse.  The ungrateful. . .

"For cryin' out loud, people!  You've had your fun, now it's time—"  He stopped suddenly, almost choking to death.  He coughed and sputtered and cursed himself again for letting this happen.

He'd known better.  He really had.

He'd known from the moment Teal'c had requested he be allowed to procure a replacement weapon for his benefactor.  Where the hell had he learned to talk like that anyway?

But weapons were one thing Jack O'Neill understood so, naturally, he'd offered his services.

Okay, okay, so he was curious about what the big guy was up to as well.  Who wouldn't be?

They spent almost an hour in the SGC weapons locker, looking over every weapon in stock, but Teal'c shook his head.  "I require a… hydrosol weapon, O'Neill – preferably of large caliber or weapons load."

"A what?"

The Jaffa had cocked his head to the side, his eyebrows climbing ever so slightly – a clear indication that Teal'c thought he'd been perfectly clear and it was now up to O'Neill to decipher the vernacular riddle.  And, as usual, Jack didn't have a freakin' clue.

But Daniel did.  Dr. Daniel "know-it-all" Jackson had grinned and said he knew just the place to go for such a weapon.

If he'd been smart, he would have turned and run right then – fast and far.  Whenever he mixed Teal'c-sincerity and Daniel-amusement it spelled disaster, and this was no exception.

But no.  Oh, no.  He'd let his curiosity get the better of him and he'd gone along for the ride.  And _this_ was the thanks he got!  He'd kill them all before this was over.

"I said _enough!_ " he bellowed in his best command voice.  Carter, at least, had the decency to hesitate for a split second.  But that was all.

Why hadn't he seen the trap?  Was he getting soft?  Old?  Stupid?  His gut had told him loud and clear the danger was real, but he hadn't listened, hadn't believed it.  And why should he?  They were his own damned team for chrissake!  His own team.  Could it get any worse than that?

When the rest of the team-leaders heard about this…  Oh, hell, he'd just have to request a transfer out of the SGC.  It was that or he'd end up shooting every grinning asshole who—

"Stop!  That is a _direct_ order, people!"

          Carter immediately ceased and desisted.  But she was the only one.

          "What part of 'stop' don't you people understand?" he roared.

          Looking as surprised as a Jaffa ever looked, Teal'c also ceased his attack.  But not Daniel.

          Oh no, not Daniel.  He giggled and tittered like a damned three-dollar-whore who'd been picked up by a wet-behind-the-ears lieutenant – not that Jack O'Neill had ever done anything like that – and continued to fire.

          "Daniel!"

          "Uh, Daniel, I think he really means it," the fourth traitor said, tugging on Jackson's dripping T-shirt.

          Daniel glanced down at her, then back at O'Neill, who looked like he might just spontaneously combust on the spot, he was so steamed – pardon the pun.

          "Daniel, I'm going to come over there and shove that damned hydosolic weapon up your—"

          "Uh, Colonel," Carter interrupted, her eyes going wide with concern.  She nodded to the girl standing next to Dr. Jackson.

          His chest heaving with righteous fury, O'Neill followed her line of sight to try and figure out just why the hell she'd interrupted his perfectly fine tirade before he'd really gotten started.  Oh.            Oh yeah.  The kid.

          O'Neill's eyes narrowed and he glowered at all three of his teammates.  "I guess you think this is funny, don't you?" he growled.

          Daniel smiled broadly and nodded enthusiastically.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," Jack hissed at the civilian.  He turned to Carter.  "And you?"

She dipped her head and looked appropriately guilty, but he could see the truth in her eyes.  "I'll see you at 0500 tomorrow – with a full field pack, Carter.  Understood!"

"Yes, sir!" she replied automatically.

He sloshed and squished closer to them and fixed his ire on the Jaffa.  "Et tu, Teal'c?"

Eyebrows arched slightly, but it didn't erase the ghost of a smile on the man's lips.

Now _that_ hurt.  O'Neill shook his head.

"It's my fault, Colonel.  Uh, sir," the girl said.  "I shot Teal'c and he shot Daniel and—"

O'Neill raised his hand to stop the explanation and opened his mouth to speak, but a flash of pure evil sparked in his eyes.  The weapon was in his hands, magically it seemed, the movement was so swift.  At least that's what Jack wanted to believe.

His aim, however, was perfection.

He nailed them all before they could even blink.

"Ah-ha!" he bellowed in triumph, continuing to spray his teammates who, of course, bolted for cover to return fire, but there was no cover to be found, which was exactly how O'Neill had found himself caught in the four-way crossfire.

"You got me into this, watch my back!" he yelled at the girl.

She grinned, hefted her Delux Super Soaker and stepped up to him.  And, back to back, they sprayed the rest of the room, thoroughly soaking Teal'c, Carter and Daniel Jackson from head to toe.

 _Victory is so very, very sweet_ , O'Neill thought, grinning like a madman.

 

The End


End file.
